June 4, 1915

TO: His Sublime Majesty, Mehmet V, Master of Europe and Asia, Emperor of the Romans, Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Protector of the Holy Cities, Standard-Bearer of the Faith, Viceroy to God, Glory of Heaven, Sultan and Padishah

FROM: Your worthless servant, Abdul Hadi Pasha, Envoy to the Ruler of the Germans

Majesty: I have been reflecting upon how oddly great happenings can alter one's perceptions of the passage of time. Although the great battle occurred over the course of only a few hours, it seemed as if weeks had passed; and though mere days have elapsed since it's glorious end, I feel as if it has been MONTHS.

Our barbarian allies are preparing to do something, however, so I am readying myself to return to sea. I only hope we will not be subjected to air attack again. The perfidious British (spit, spit, and spit) are clearly insane as well, for if Allah had meant for us to fly, he would have given us wings, would he have not, your Majesty?

Our friend, the Countess, knowing of my difficulty with sea travel, has arranged for me tomorrow an excursion on a new kind of vessel
built by a friend of hers, a Count von Zeppelin; she assures me I will find it smoother than anything I have yet experienced. Inshallah.

This morning I went to visit my good friend, Admiral Scheer at the hospital, but I'm sorry to say that his illness has unhinged his mind, for when I entered the room, he began screaming as though Shaitan himself had risen from the depths. His orderlies were forced to usher me out of the room. And out of the hospital. And apparently, worried for my safety, all the way to the edge of town. Ah, well, hopefully some rest will restore him to his former self.

Waiting to bask in the Light of Your esteem,

Abdul Hadi Pasha

P.S. Any word on the baklava?

by
A. Hadi Pasha

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